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i need you to need me. (oh heath! why god, why?) the other day, i got to thinking about our relationships. do you think we have an inherent need to be liked? the other day i had the rather unpleasant sensation that my språklab teacher didn't like me (she was giving me the stink eye all class), it was really uncomfortable. even in relationships, would you even like the other person if you didn't have some inkling that they liked you too-o, to rescue you from the dread of rejection?we protect ourselves from loving, or even liking, fearlessly.watch this film. it's called "welcome to hebron" (no connection) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY83Tf-4_Xs&feature=related and it's about this then 17 year old girl, leila sarsour, and the town of hebron in the israeli occupied west bank. it's not about the political, but the everyday, and it is powerful. somethimes you come across people who make you want to be so much better than this self-consumed person you know in your heart that you are.my team had the oral exam this week, and we totally OWNED team 2! to be fair, we did bribe with brownies. and pop.in other news, the flavour of the week is lemon meringue! try it, it's easy, but i'd strongly recommend you use less sugar and more lemon. well, i used lime (more tangy). http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Lemon-Meringue-Pie-III/Detail.aspx and maybe a little less cornstarch. it really sticks to the roof of your mouth. enjoy!my meringue 
me with my meringue
i look stressed. it's been a touh week.
dance uninhibitedly.
get this, my friend, who i'm doing my oral exam with, thinks it's a good idea to do our presentation on "the swedish porn industry". but instead of researching bert milton, self-proclaimed porno king of scandinavia, here i sit writing my... fourth post! we had a massive corridor clean-up today (and i mean vacuum cleaning and EVERYTHING, the whole shabang), it reminded me of those big clean-ups we used to have in the dorm every fourth sunday back in the day, but i can't for the life of me remember what those were called! something silly and new-zealandy, no doubt. heh.then i devoted my entire evening to learning chess, and i've got to say, kid, i ain't half bad. although i lost. it was a closely-contested game. yea. but i've got the worst case of beginner's luck ever. the first time i baked this apple cake, it came out gloriously, but by the third time it'd sort of sunk in the middle and all the stuffing had come out and been impaled on the oven floor. speaking of new things, i baked the most, THE most saliva-worthy lasagna. the repertoire increases. and my posts are starting to look like the diary of a very hungry girl. do you think you're a different person to different people? if you don't think so, i salute you... you big liar. to some extent you'd have to be wouldn't you? although me i'm usually in the complete pushover category, where you'd have to bend over backwards to fit. to be completely yourself with someone, that's brave and rare, and i'm thankful i have my girls. i miss being the me i was with you sometimes, where you just understood every expression and joke and smile, and just... got me. it's tiring to think i'm doing it all over again. i'm off to hit the porn sites yet again :D. this week, i regale you with pictures of my room!
AND some of the kids from my korridor (no, it' spelled that way). ah they're great! ignore the naked butt ladies up top.
"should i give up, or should i just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere? or would it be a waste? even If i knew my place should i leave it there?" ~adelefinished baking fab brownies (quite simply my best ever) for the ULTIMATE study party. they really are a thing of beauty, chocolate sprinkles, dark chocolate frosting, walnut chewiness. i had my misgivings about the vanilla essence (with traces of bourbon...) but it is killer hunting down real vanilla essence here. you have to go all the way to stockhom (the BIG town), they use these grubby vanilla stick-like HERBS here. hopefully, the bourbon just... evaporated. the instant i started this diet, i've been obsessed with food in general, häagen dazs' strawberry cheesecake in particular. i mean, i've lain awake at night just thinking of all that creamy goodness! on the upside i'm starting my pilates classes on sunday :D. and the last time i was at the gym i saw this really fun kick-boxing class...depressed to realise that most of my furniture is from ikea. but that didn't stop me from going out today and buying a kick-ass floor pillow from ikea. you never realise you actually NEED (not want, need) these things till you go to their inspiration floor. still heart ikea. have adele's chasing pavements on a constant loop. it makes me sad. 
NEW SHOES! old feet.
i spent the entire day by myself today, it was just one of those beautiful chilly days. skipped class, and after some bank stuff in the morning, i went shopping. one gina tricot sweater (and another covetted http://shop.hm.com/se/?action=viewcampaign617collection&page=13&subpage=3) and way too much money later, i wondered why it's so hard to find the perfect pair of jeans. is it like great loves, and you only find so many pairs that fit you absolutely perfectly? so i also had one of those days where nothing bottom-wise fit, and sweden makes NOTHING intended for child-bearing bengali hips... pah. californication is a good show. david duchovny makes me feel like home. <3>
so, three false starts aside, i'm finally blogging. skål! the first couple of times, i was deterred and just plain thrown by the fact that everything appeared in swedish. but i'm back, with six months under my belt, and let's be straight, a bigger dictionary. (it really is fabulous, red and glossy).distinct feeling of righteous self-satisfaction.
